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If I Could Be Just Completely Honest For A Second, I Believe Exactly What You Believe

Clinton
This "commentary" appears on the Onion web site. They have some fun publishing something as though—but clearly not—written by Hillary Clinton. I suspect they think they have captured her essence.

When you’re out on the campaign trail, making a succession of quick public appearances and giving brief stump speeches, it can be hard for voters to get to know your deepest, most nuanced convictions. The best policies for our nation don’t always fit into a tidy sound bite, and a candidate’s words inevitably get distorted by the media frenzy that surrounds presidential races. So let me take a moment to set the record straight once and for all and be completely honest with you about where I stand on the issues: I strongly and firmly believe all the same things you believe.

Our next president needs to be someone who’s forthright, transparent, and unafraid to speak the truth. That’s why I think it’s important to use this opportunity to be as candid as possible about my most passionately held views. When I look at the most pressing domestic and international challenges facing America today, I continue to think, as I always have, exactly what you do.

These are my core convictions. My driving principles.

Throughout my career, I have stayed true to these positions and stood like a rock. For example, I have for decades believed steadfastly in what you believe on the economy, LGBT rights, and criminal justice reform. Indeed, these fundamental beliefs were a constant guide during my years as first lady, senator, and secretary of state.

On the issue of trade, I have always held firm to whatever your view is. On national security, I have long been on the side of the issue that you’re on. And on our military interventions overseas, I have never—not even once—wavered on holding an opinion that mirrors yours. Our nation needs a strong and steady hand at the wheel, and my consistency speaks for itself.

Unfortunately, our 24-hour news cycle is full of spin and misinformation, and you may have been given a conception of what I believe that doesn’t fit the facts. If that’s the case, it’s time someone provided you with the unvarnished truth about how I’ve always put my full support behind the very same causes you support, and refuse to rest until I eradicate or reform the things you oppose. I won’t let anyone stop me from telling the voters of this country that, at this challenging and divisive moment in our country’s history, I stand for whatever it is they stand for.

Love it or hate it—I’m not going to gloss over that fact.

Maybe this kind of straight talk won’t win me any favor with the pundits on television, or anyone else inside the Beltway. But when it comes to my deepest, most heartfelt beliefs—which, again, are in perfect alignment with your deepest, most heartfelt beliefs—I’m not going to back down. I’m prepared to fight for whichever ideas you hold sacred.

My worldview, which informs every decision I make, has remained identical to that of our nation’s voters since I first started out in public service. And so I ask: Do you believe the American people are ready for a president who is willing to look them in the eye and emphatically state that she shares their thoughts precisely?

If so, I couldn’t agree with you more.
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